I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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