when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
