I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
