god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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