I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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