It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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