Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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