my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
