He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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