I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
