Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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