Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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