I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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