We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
