I wish I could teleport
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
