I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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