I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Soap is not a condiment
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
