this beer tastes like vomit already
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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