Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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