Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
