It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
