Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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