I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I will die if light touches me.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
