atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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