dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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