I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
