I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
