dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
