News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
