Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
