I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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