So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
