I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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