Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
