remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
