What did we do last night that was yellow?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
