these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
