I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
