explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
