ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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