My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
