How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
