we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
