we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
