Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
