just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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