This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
