If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
