This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
