I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
