This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
