T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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