I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
