i don't like sucking hair
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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