my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
