why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
sex in a hospital.. check
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
