Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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