I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
