You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
