I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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