I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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