Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
