I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
