i need an iv and a liver transplant
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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