Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
