she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
